Wednesday, June 11, 2008
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Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Computers are really addictive. You can talk to friends, search for things, or play games. However, spending too much time on the computer means you miss out on other things in life.
Ask yourself how much time you spend on the computer. Is this excess time interfering with your social, academic, family, or religious life?
Set a certain time to be on the computer. Even if it is hard, limit yourself to around two hours a day.
Get interested in a sport or other activity you can do with friends, so you won't have to be IMing them instead. Face to face talking is much better anyway.
Realize that it is not the end of the world if you are not able to check your email every single second. In the event of a truly important or timely matter, people will usually contact you via telephone or in person.
Close all your unnecessary accounts -- (MySpace, Runescape, Facebook, etc.).
Get out of the house. Go to a local coffee shop or even the mall for a change of pace.
* Setting a certain time for yourself for computer time it isn't always easy. Choose two or three hours a day but be careful on how you space them. Having them too far apart can be torture, but having them too close together gives you little time to do anything in between. (Feel free to have certain schedules for certain days of the week.)
* Don't start to freak out the first day when you stop being on the computer. Don't just quit, that will torture yourself more, spend some time on schoolwork you've been delaying or go for a run or bike ride with a friend or two, distract yourself.
Monday, June 9, 2008
With divorce rates soaring to just over 40%, and people living well into their 70s, 80s, and 90s, tying the knot might seem more intimidating than ever. However, by understanding what marriage entails and clarifying your expectations, you can overcome your nuptial-phobia and make an informed decision on whether or not to get married.
Determine what exactly you are scared of. Most people don't fear marriage itself but rather, its implications and its potential failure. What are you worried will change? What's the worst possible scenario that's paralyzing your views on marriage?
Address your fears. If your parents had a bad marriage, understand that every marriage is different, and just because theirs wasn't healthy doesn't mean yours can't be. If you're worried about the marriage falling apart, make a list in your mind of what you can and will do to make the marriage work. Imagine all the scenarios that make you scared and then, imagine what you will do in that specific situation to make it better.
Talk it over. Ask anybody you know of in a successful marriage to tell you their secrets. Usually it's something like, "We overlook each other's minor bad habits." But most of all, express your concerns to your partner. This is the perfect opportunity to exercise the communication skills that are essential for any healthy relationship to last, and your partner should be understanding and helpful.
A good nugget of wisdom to remember is that you shouldn't marry the person you know you can live with for the rest of your life; marry the one whom you can't imagine yourself living without.
Think about what marriage enables that you (and others in your life, such as your family members) would not have otherwise-- and also what it changes that you would have otherwise.
Realize that you are not going to live in harmony every second of every day you are married. You are not perfect, and neither is your partner, married or not. If you're waiting to be with someone with whom every day is rainbows and sunshine, you'll never settle down or get married because no one will ever be able to live up to that illusion. Marriage is hard work and it takes your whole life to complete it. Too many people get married with the expectation that if things start to get tough, they'll just file for divorce and start all over again. Be prepared for the bumps in the road, and don't be surprised when you come across them.
Plan your life. Sit down and iron things out before you get married. Will you have children? How many? Who will manage the money? Will both spouses work? How much will you save for retirement? Where will you live? Who gets which responsibility? If the husband can still go out to bars with his buddies, can the wife still do the same? These are the difficult yet practical questions to ask before you commit yourself to somebody for the rest of your life. Don't discover the answers the hard way, when there's already a ring on your finger. It's better to foresee conflict and prevent it. If you have a healthy relationship, the questioning process will bring you closer.
The top 3 three causes of divorce are disagreements on money, religion, and children, in that order. Do your best ahead of time to make sure you're on the same page to the maximum extent possible, and you'll go a long way to evening the long-term odds. Have in-depth conversations about expectations, beliefs, hopes, timing, planning... the more you know about one another and the fewer surprises you have on important subjects, the better!
Disagreements are normal in any relationship! It is healthy and a lot can be learned from them. Do your best to listen to the other's point of view and express your concerns with love and respect.
Not all choices are right, but you still have to make them.
Consider that if you allow your fear of marriage to prevent you from settling down, you might be single for the rest of your life. *Strongly consider going to marital counseling with your significant other. The information and frank discussion with a third party professional can be invaluable in helping you make the best of your marriage.
Think of all the wonderful parts of marriage. Being with the one you love.
Consider your sexual activities and their influence on your attitudes toward marriage. For some people, sex outside of marriage can unconsciously devalue the committed marriage relationship. Living by the principle of no sex outside of marriage has helped many people value faithfulness in their relationships and give partners a knowledge of true uniqueness to each other. For others, it has delayed knowledge about their partner that was cruical to the decision to stay together. Remember that sexuality has a part to play in your relationship, and that your attitude to it will affect your relationsip, no matter what choice you make.
If you absolutely cannot shake your fear of marriage, let your significant other know your feelings. You do run the risk of losing the relationship by doing this.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Whether you're in a hurry, you have a tight budget, or if you simply want to get married without making it a big production, it's still possible to have a real wedding. Instead of spending huge amounts of time and money, use your own creativity and resourcefulness, and that of understanding family members and friends.
Take care of the legal stuff as soon as you decide to get married. Go to the courthouse and get the marriage license. (Note that in some countries you may need to wait a month or more after acquiring a licence to have a legal ceremony.)
Spread the word. Invite people by email, phone, or (if you trust your delegates) word of mouth. If you have more than two weeks, use a computer to design and print your own invitations, but remember that they'll take time to go through the mail.
Find an officiant, but don't look in the phone book first. If you don't have somebody in mind, ask people you know. Just about anybody can become an officiant, and chances are that word of mouth can put you in touch with somebody who has, or is willing. Choose somebody you are comfortable with.
Write the ceremony yourselves. This step is not about haste or budget, but about having a ceremony that is meaningful and comfortable for you.
Obtain rings, if you choose to wear them. Jewelry stores may try to sell you the fanciest, priciest thing, but meaning is far more important here than cost.
Go casual. Let everyone know that your wedding is a barbecue, picnic, beach, or luau theme. It is much easier and less costly to orchestrate these gatherings than something more formal or fancy, and nobody will mind that everything doesn't all match. Tell everybody to wear jeans and sneakers, sandals and shorts, and their favorite Hawaiian shirt. People are a lot more comfortable in casual clothing, anyway, and it will put everybody at ease.
Wear clothes you already own, or buy something simple that you can wear again.
Get married in your home, or your back yard, if you can.
>Have the wedding and the reception in the same place. Your guests won't have to stop everything and get lost going from here to there, and you won't have to prepare and clean up two different venues.
Borrow chairs or inquire about renting them. Ask around and get creative. Otherwise, rent from a local party center.
Keep cleanup simple, See if a party store near you has an inexpensive roll of plastic tablecloth material in the color of your wedding. Cut it to length and don't forget to tape it down, especially if you're outdoors.
Appoint a "stage manager", if possible. A level-headed high school or college student is ideal, particularly anybody who has had experience in band, drama, restaurants, or the like. This person will help you watch timing, direct and assist with setup, run last minute errands, line people up for group photos, and so on. Offer to pay this person, especially if he/she is a "starving student", treat him/her to a nice dinner, or return the favor.
Keep favors simple,or skip altogether . Avoid making favors that will require a lot of assembly. For our wedding, we got a selection of attractive dollar-store fans as favors that doubled as colorful centerpieces, plus some pinwheels and bubble juice for the kids who attended The weather was warm the day of the wedding and the fans were very well received.
Skip the flowers or buy just a few from a supermarket (go for color, not price) A single open rose or camellia floating in a bowl of water can be very elegant.Alternatively, for centerpieces, consider simple candles
Skip the photographer, unless you know an amateur or hobbyist who is eager to try her hand at it. Let your guests know that you'd like copies of their snapshots. You'll probably have dozens of cameras in the crowd, and some of them will get good pictures. It's easier than ever to share photos. You'd have a hard time stopping people from taking hundreds of photos of your wedding. Do take the time to line up different groups of your guests for photos after the ceremony. maybe ask Bill & John David
Place plenty of trash cans and, if possible, well-marked recycle bins in discreet but visible locations. Many guests will naturally clean up after themselves when given the opportunity.
Consider doing your own music with wedding CD
Don't feel guilty or timid asking for help. Most people will understand completely and they'll be delighted to pitch in.
If people offer to help, let them! You might be surprised at how many people volunteer, when given an opportunity to do something besides dress up, show up, and eat. Let your "stage manager" assist you in putting these people to work.
Relax and have fun, knowing that by letting this event be informal, you've saved yourself and your guests a lot of stress and hassle!
Do something separate for the people where you work. Including too many people from your office can expand your guest list dramatically. They probably don't know your family, anyway, so they may feel awkward showing up and trying to fit in. Instead, have cake or snacks in the lunchroom or go out for drinks after work one day and invite anyone you like or just announce it generally and let people decide for themselves whether to join you. This gives everybody a chance to celebrate and meet you while keeping your wedding a little more intimate
- A willing partner.
- An officiant.
- A minimal budget. With many weddings costing as much as luxury cars, $500 is a very minimal budget.
- Helpful friends and family members.
- A location.
- A quantity of food.
- Imagination.










